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The best place to observe the wide range of parent discipline styles is any grocery store between 4:00 and 7:00 p.m. Here you will hear a mother yelling at her crying child, a father threatening to take away a privilege from his nine-year-old son, another mother bribing her children with treats and candy if her children cooperate so they can finish their homework. quickly, and finally, another parent grabs their preteen by the jacket as they walk or drag their child out of the store.

Do you want to improve your family life and your methods of discipline, even when faced with everyday family dangers? Try to implement these two strategies based on how the brain works and human biology.

1. Eat, drink and breathe deeply.

The second worst time of day for all families is at night, when everyone is transitioning and shifting gears from busy day to evening time. For most people, children and parents alike, this is physiological when the body is tired and needs more energy through nutrition and oxygen. Too often, parents choose this time to run necessary errands, including grocery shopping. But neither children nor adults have the physiological stamina to handle this seemingly mundane task.

What is the solution? Before going to the store, she eats a sandwich, sings a song and dances a jig. Are you afraid of feeling silly by engaging in such silly and childish behavior? She then drinks a cup of herbal tea while her children have a glass of milk and they all enjoy some raisins and peanuts. Then do ten jumping jacks or play tag or musical chairs. If this doesn’t seem to fit your style either, make up your own ritual. Just be sure to include drinking and eating a modest amount of nutritious food (indulging too much in sugar will only contribute to physiological drag) and engaging in a moderate amount of deep breathing. With children, the best way to get them to take deep breaths is to play an active game for a short period of time. They will gladly participate! And if you can relax a bit and play a game, you will not only improve your oxygen level, but also inspire a lighter spirit.

Now you and your children are ready to take on the challenge known as grocery shopping.

2. Choose a position open for growth and learning.

What you do and say puts your child in an open position for learning and growth, or for protection. New research on the human cell has revealed that a cell can only be in one of two positions: protection or growth. And since the brain is a system of cooperative cells, the brain is then only in a position of protection or growth.

Have you ever wondered why you must continually make the same kind of correction for your child’s repeated misbehavior? Are you tired of threatening or punishing your child, only to find that he has to repeat the same process many, many times? The reason is that you are using strategies that protect your child instead of asking him to grow and learn. The son perceives her scolding, threat, or punishment as something she must protect herself from. He is not in the frame of mind to be open to learning and growing. Instead, he is protecting himself from you. This can be shocking to learn. The last thing you want is for your child to feel like he has to protect himself from you! In many parenting situations, when you scold, threaten, or embarrass your child, you’re not even thinking of anything other than trying to get your child to do what you want him to do. But his senseless behavior is perceived differently by his son. On a cellular level, your child believes that he should be protected. He may agree to your request, but he has learned nothing. Your mind is not in a condition to learn, grow and change. Your mind just goes into protection. With this new information you may be less surprised to have to repeat the same correction, or threat, or punishment, over and over again. Your child’s brain is not in a learning state of mind.

What is the solution? Stop doing the kinds of things your child perceives as threatening. Make a simple request of what you want your child to do, instead of trying to get your child to stop doing what you don’t want. “Please sit.” “Use your inner voice, please.” “Take my hand and walk with me please.” Can you see how each of these requests keeps a child in an open position for growth and learning instead of “footless”. “Stop yelling and yelling.” “Do not run.” It is equally important to use a neutral, calm and friendly tone of voice. How she talks to her son is just as important as what she says. Staying calm, friendly, and engaged with your child, even during non-verbal moments, will keep you both in a state of openness and growth, rather than withdrawing into a protective state.

Now that you’re his kid, you’re ready to take on whatever challenges you encounter at the grocery store and beyond.

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