Narcissistic parents divide their children through triangulation
Conflict is a normal part of family dynamics. The fact that a family quarrels from time to time does not make it a dysfunctional family unit. What makes a family dysfunctional is the emotional pain and confusion that prevails among its members. Those who grow up in this type of home are burdened with a life of emotional struggles. Some of these struggles are easy to identify, some are not.
Families influenced by narcissistic parents are always dysfunctional. Due to the plethora of crazy dynamics that exist within the family unit, there are many casualties that children suffer. Not only do they suffer as individuals, the relationships between siblings also suffer.
It would seem that siblings suffering together under the stresses of crazy parenting would naturally come together for support, but that rarely happens in families headed by narcissistic parents. It is no coincidence that one of the victims of the NPD family is the relationship between the siblings.
Narcissistic parents are not capable of loving their children. Children are simply a source of “narcissistic supply.” The relationship NPD parents have with their children is one of control and manipulation. Many tactics are used to achieve this. A common one is called “Triangulation”.
Triangulation is a deceptive tactic used by the NPD parent to control and manipulate the balance of power in the family system. The goal of parents is to prevent siblings from collaborating in ways that may interfere with their calculated goals. It all comes down to securing the parental narcissistic supply. Like an addict, the father cannot survive without him. They need constant replenishment and will downgrade to any level to get your “fix.”
To gain control over the flow of information in the family, parents create indirect communication between siblings, putting themselves in the role of “intermediaries.” In doing so, you control the content of the information, the way the information flows, and the way it is interpreted. And there are more benefits; Since everyone relates directly to him or her, the parent is always in the information loop and always remains the center of attention.
Since the NPD parent cannot avoid all communication between the siblings, he or she tries to create conflict and mistrust between them. The father will fabricate information, tell lies and trust them, then tell them to keep secrets from each other. The father can speak ill of one brother to another. The parent may share information with a sibling, in the hope that it will reach another and create drama. NPD parents really enjoy the upheaval they can create among family members.
The NPD parent maneuvers in a way that can never be called upon, either by the way they carefully phrase their words or by the fact that they are careful to ensure that no one else witnesses their behavior. They always remain innocent. If someone tries to call the parents about their behavior, they will erupt in narcissistic rage. Because this rage terrifies children, over time they learn to do everything in their power to avoid it.
Due to the dynamics of the NPD family, children easily fall prey to the manipulations of their NPD parents. NPD parenting care, whether positive or negative, is a rare commodity for which every sibling must compete. The loss of a brother becomes the gain of another brother. The relationship between the children is sacrificed as each one selfishly competes for a little affection and favor from the parents; care that is turned on and off at the parents’ will.
The fact that NPD parents assign roles to their children also further upsets the balance of affection given to children. Usually there is a golden child, one who seems to receive more praise from parents, a scapegoat, one who is blamed for everything that goes wrong in the family, and an invisible child, one who receives neither praise nor praise. guilt. These roles are not always stationary. They can change at the discretion of the NPD parents.
NPD parents train their children well; the control they have over them when they are young continues well into adulthood. That won’t change until all children realize and accept that their parents’ destructive behavior is responsible for all the problems that exist between them.
The adult children of narcissistic parents become a very powerful force once they unite against their abuser. Only then does the NPD parent lose all control over them; a feared fate worse than death.