Have you ever had to use the emergency spare tire on your car? It is smaller than your usual tires. As a result, you have to change your driving habits when you rely on this “donut” emergency tire.

Experiencing pain and grief is a lot like driving with a spare tire. To consider:

• You have to slow down. The emergency spare tire label warns you to keep your speed below 50 miles per hour. When you are mourning a loss, you need to change your pace of life to acknowledge and honor your grief. Take the time to slow down, avoid making costly mistakes, and process this important life change.
• You change your daily routine and your route. Do you usually fast-travel down the highway at 65 mph or higher? You will need to switch to a surface road to stay below that 50 mph maximum or risk the ire of other highway drivers. Unfortunately, many people try to maintain their normal routines when grieving. Pretending life remains the same after a major loss can be detrimental to your emotional state.
• You become very sensitive to your surroundings. When driving with a less than optimal tire, you want to avoid potholes or debris that could damage the only spare tire you have. Grief is an emotionally sensitive time. The bereaved can compensate by doing their best to avoid distressing situations or places. Some may quickly remove the reminders of their loved ones, get rid of clothes, favorite foods, or other objects.
• You recognize the fragility of life. Driving on the four normal tires, one can feel in control and immune to danger. By being aware that a tire has failed, you are reminded that life has no guarantees. Pain and grief remind us that with love comes loss.
• You want to get back to normal. Sometimes it takes a while to get a new tire. Drivers can get impatient waiting for the moment when the normal tire is ready and installed. Mourners wonder when they can feel “normal” after a loss. It is a process of finding a new normal after the death of a loved one. Be patient with yourself and the process of life.

You never know when a tire will explode and you never know when a loved one will die. Check your spare tire from time to time to make sure it can get the job done when needed. Also, tell your loved ones that you love them while you can. Make your peace with those you hold a grudge against before it becomes an unbearable burden.

As we go down the road of life, let’s be sensitive to our fellow motorists who may be driving with their emergency donut tire.