Anticipated grief, a feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs, is a difficult journey. The holidays make it even more difficult. At a time when you are supposed to feel happy and joyful, you feel sad and anxious. You are on pins and needles and you wonder what will happen next.
Remember, your grievance stems from love, and you can find comfort in that. The holidays don’t erase the reasons why you feel sad and lonely, according to the National Mental Health Association, and “there is room for these feelings to be present.” So accept your feelings, and if you feel like crying, go ahead and do it.
Crying will help you feel better. Here are some other ways you can help yourself.
BE REALISTIC. You don’t have to create a “perfect” vacation. Do you really need to knit sweaters for everyone? No. Do you really need to serve a six course meal? No. What you need to do is set realistic goals, stay organized, and pace yourself. Instead of focusing on one day, the National Mental Health Association recommends focusing on “a season of festive feeling.”
ASK FOR HELP. You don’t have to do it all yourself. Family and friends will be happy to help with planning, decorating and cooking. A family member could bring a traditional dish, such as pumpkin pie. Another family member could provide bedding and wash it afterwards. Your request for help makes others feel needed.
BUDGET. Finances can cause stress at any time, but they cause a lot of stress during the holidays. Set a budget for gifts, decorations, and entertainment. Staying within your budget will make you feel better about the holidays and yourself. Your gifts don’t have to be new. The holidays are a perfect time to pass on family possessions: a vase of flowers, a historical photo, or a beloved book. Stick a short note about the item with your gift.
EAT WELL. Since nutrition affects brain chemistry, you should eat balanced meals during the holidays. Delicious as they look, pass up the sweets and cookies that come your way. Choose lots of fruits and vegetables from the buffet table and a dessert. Keeping a supply of healthy snacks on hand will also help you eat well.
DRINK MODERATELY. Alcohol makes the holiday blues worse, according to the National Mental Health Association. Too much alcohol can make you say things you’ll later regret. If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation or skip it entirely. Drink sparkling cider, non-alcoholic punch, or flavored water instead of alcohol.
GET ENOUGH SLEEP. You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, sure.” But you need sleep to survive the holidays. Getting enough sleep is hard to do with so many festive events. However, you can be selective about what you attend, leave early, and get a good night’s sleep. Balance a long night with a short nap the next day.
LIGHT YOUR WAY. Wellness experts at Vanerbilt University say that more people get depressed during the holidays than at any other time. Some of these people have Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). If you live in a cold climate and the days are short, you may want to be evaluated for SAD. Phototherapy (intense lighting) is generally recommended for people with SAD. Even if you don’t have SAD, well-lit rooms will lift your spirits.
EXERCISE. Daily physical activity is a proven way to deal with stress. Walk around town or the local mall and look at the Christmas decorations. Play catch with your children or grandchildren. Bundle up and go cross-country skiing. Half an hour of physical activity a day helps drive away sadness.
BE CONCILATORY. According to http://www.MayoClinic.com, family tensions can flare during the holidays if members are “together for multiple days.” The holidays are not the time to settle family disputes, they are a time for conciliatory and kind behavior. Discuss family grievances at a later date.
HELP OTHERS. The holidays are associated with families and togetherness, according to Jill RachBeisel, MD, Director of Community Psychiatry at the University of Maryland. But, due to the divorce rate and fragmented families, many don’t have this type of vacation experience. Still, you can connect with a foster family by volunteering at a senior center, reading to homebound people, or tutoring children.
CREATE NEW MEMORIES. The memories you make this holiday season can bring comfort in the future. Take digital photos of holiday events and save them to a CD. Send copies of the CD to all family members. Every family has stories to tell, and you can create new memories by recording some of these stories on tape. You can also video record holiday events.
TASTE THE MOMENT. Even if you are sad, you are alive, able to be with those you love and care about. Surround yourself with life: family, dear friends, colorful flowers, a dog that wags its tail, and hobbies that make you happy. Because every moment of life, even the painful ones, is a miracle.
Copyright 2005 by Harriet Hodgson. For more information on her work, visit http://www.harriethodgson.com