In the 1970s, when my children were very young, a Dorothy Law Nolte tapestry hung in my house with the poem: CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE. Some of the verses of this poem are the following:
If children live sharing, they learn to be generous.
If children live with justice, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration,
They learn to respect.
A few years ago, Dorothy’s book, Children learn what they livecrossed my path, and once again I was reminded of the great truth in his words.
There is the old saying: Actions are worth 1000 words!
I think this is very true. So how do we teach children to be respectful? I think they learn it by first showing them kindness, consideration and respect. As kindness is shown to them, they learn kindness. As consideration is shown to them, they learn to be considerate. As respect is shown to them, they learn to respect.
It’s the little things that make the difference. If you want your child to treat you with respect, watch how you treat your child in small, daily ways. Without a doubt, if you have a son who is respectful, you probably treat him with kindness, consideration. The challenge sometimes arises when a child acts disrespectfully towards you. For some reason, many times, our buttons are pressed and we react. However, if you have the practice of staying centered, then you can get out of your ‘core’ and not react in the same way that you have been treated. Someone once said: Children are our spiritual teachers. So true!
Perhaps if your child had a rough day at school and you bring up something about it, you could stop what you’re doing at the moment and sit down with your child and allow them to share with you everything that’s happened. There is a powerful connection if you can be in the “MOMENT” with her child, when he/she needs to talk!
When you go out on an errand, do you tell our son you’re leaving, here we go, and when do you expect to be back, if he’s old enough to be left alone? She once was teaching piano in a house, and the 12-year-old girl went to ask her mother a question. She was nowhere to be found! Such actions to do provide a secure foundation for a child. And then, when a child leaves for school or a friend’s house, she may be mad at him for not telling her first.
If children are shown sincere kindness and consideration by those closest to them, particularly their parents, I think they will pay it back.
Children are being asked to grow up so fast today and they need the tools to do it. Education about the things you expect of them is essential if they are to be successful in carrying them out. Before they can organize their bedroom or playroom on their own, they need to observe and discuss the process and learn how to do it with you! If your child’s bedroom/playroom is in shambles, you could say, “How about I pick up some boxes and let’s clean up your room together this Saturday?”
Many times, I see that children love to help. At the same time, they also have some ideas about how they want to organize their room. In my experience, when I show kids that I’m on THEIR side and really want to support them, they appreciate the help.
As we treat children with sincerity, kindness, consideration and respect, we will see that they give it back to us 100%.
Amina MacLeod, a young woman who wrote a column on children’s rights at the age of 13 and a former guest of mine on The Family Hour, says: “It is very important to give children a space to express their feelings, emotions and thoughts. without fear of any consequences or repercussions. They need a space to say whatever they want, whether it’s about ambitions, school, a worry or a concern. Every child needs a safe place to be who they are in that moment.”
By listening to a child and listening with your body, mind, and soul, you will be able to respond with your body, mind, and soul. This creates a heart-to-heart communication, a moving experience.
It’s not always easy, because sometimes you will be challenged! It’s not always easy, because sometimes you may be questioned! It’s not easy, because sometimes they can be right! Through the years, when I’ve told my kids “I think you’re right,” I’ve been overwhelmed with the JOY and empathy they’ve returned to me ever since.
If we approach life as a journey, knowing that we are all here to learn and teach, we will be more open to hearing what the TRUTH really is, and not just trying to be right. The quality of RESPECT is shared! And when life is lived with such intention, life becomes JOYFUL!