The other day, I received an email from a wife whose husband had asked for “space.” He needed “time to think” and wanted to be able to do it without his wife around. Of course, the wife didn’t quite know how to take this. It felt like a rejection. It felt like the first step to breaking up. It felt like she didn’t love her anymore. So naturally, this made her want to make her presence known a lot more. She knew that pressing herself on him when he asked for space might be the wrong thing to do. However, she was having a very difficult time with this. She just wanted to be with him and it felt bad to step back. She asked how she could get over this and give her the space she had asked for. I’ll share with you what I advised him to do in the next article.

When a husband asks for space, you need to make it work for you: There are many reasons why a man will walk away or ask for some time alone to reflect. Sometimes this doesn’t even have much to do with you. However, you may not connect the dots with this. You may be projecting your frustration onto other areas. However, you may have some problems with yourself. Other times, he may be contemplating or reflecting on the relationship and may just want to be able to do this without you being there influencing his thoughts. Sometimes you just want to expand on your own. Men rarely want to share their vulnerability with their wife.

However, never underestimate silence and distance as a tool that can work in your favor and not against you. You basically have a choice here. You know that when he takes his “space” he is going to reflect on you and the relationship, so don’t allow recent images of you to be of you arguing and / or feeling guilty or putting yourself in a negative light.

Instead, treat yourself with respect and grace. Treat it the way you would like to be treated if the roles were reversed. Make it clear that you love him and want him to be happy, but respect his request and make it clear that you are also going to take advantage of the time. This does not mean playing games or implying that you are going to misbehave. This means showing him that you are strong, independent, and capable. Not only that, but you will do your own reflection during this process.

Show him your strong and attractive side, not the weak and needy side: It is very easy to “register”. Or to call and text a lot more than you intend. It’s so tempting to keep checking your face book page or Twitter or whatever else controls it. Resist this urge. It will only make you look needy and less attractive. You will become the clinging woman again. Stay as busy as necessary so that you are not tempted to do these things. However, make sure these things that keep you busy are fun for you.

Surely there are things you’ve been meaning to do lately, but you just haven’t done it or you haven’t put them off because you didn’t want to take time away from him. Well, now is the perfect time to seize this moment. Don’t just sit at home and focus on this. Don’t play sad love songs or write painful poetry. Do not take old photos or videos. All of these things will only fuel your feeling of despair and this is not what you want.

Instead, focus on the things that make you happy, build your confidence, and build some peace. Know that this will work out no matter what, because you both deserve to be happy. Go get a makeover or a new hairstyle. Make sure he knows that you love yourself enough to care about yourself as much as he does about him.

Create positive perceptions: You may have doubts and negative perceptions about the relationship right now, but you cannot control your thoughts. You can only control how you act and respond when the two of you are interacting right now. And you want to leave him with positive thoughts when he thinks of you. This does not mean that it should be too sweet or syrupy. You’re probably smart enough to spot insincerity and deception. But you are very capable of interacting in a positive way. You are very capable of showing him the best of yourself that exhibits the qualities that he fell in love with. You know how to have a lighthearted and cheerful conversation with him.

Don’t present yourself as the wounded man you should feel sorry for. Present yourself as the fun-loving woman who is personable and funny. This will make him miss you faster than trying to convince him that he is wrong, which is what many of us do. I know this may go against what you feel like doing, but try to take a step back and think about what is really better, not what feels good right now, but what could later become a error.