The most requested topic that women ask me to help them with is getting men to communicate more. What women don’t realize is that men ARE communicating with them all the time, but women still don’t realize it because the way men express themselves is through code. Other men easily understand this code, but for women it is practically foreign territory.

Men have a hard time articulating their feelings, so the safest and easiest way to let women know how you feel is through ACTION. For men, actions speak louder than words and men assume that their feelings are conveyed loud and clear to women through everything they do for them.

That’s why men…

– buy women’s flowers (I love you)

– pick up his girlfriend from the airport (I missed you)

– buy your daughter a car at graduation (I’m proud of you)

The reason women miss this is because their main tool of expression, without a doubt, is WORDS. Women use words to express feelings and bond with everyone in their lives. Women FEEL through words, so when a man doesn’t say what’s on his mind and in his heart, women immediately begin to doubt how a man feels about them.

I must say that this is the main reason why men and women constantly experience communication failures. Men don’t want to talk about issues, problems, or even the great positive feelings they have for a woman. Men prefer to fix, do and show.

Unfortunately for men, the only thing that counts for women is what is said. Period.

I know for men this must feel terribly unfair and even a little infuriating. You’re out there bringing the bacon home, setting up a fun date for a woman, or all the other ways you show the women in your life that you care.

It’s just as frustrating for women to continue to experience these types of communication failures with every man they meet, date, and marry in their lives. For women, words are as easy and natural as breathing and they cannot understand why men have a hard time with this.

From earliest childhood, men are told to “suck it up” or “don’t be sissies.” Men are socialized to keep a strong front at all times. Just because a man doesn’t verbally express his feelings for you doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. The way to truly know a man’s feelings is to observe his actions.

To the women reading this, just as expressing your feelings ONLY through action would be absurd, know that it is equally challenging for a man to articulate his deepest love and deepest fears through words.

If women want to ‘crack the code’ on a man’s communication, the place to start is noticing and appreciating all the things they do for you. Know that when a man is polishing the motorcycle of his dead son, he is grieving. and understand when he is doing the dishes for you after you have had a long day that he is supporting you. And most importantly, trust that the $5 bouquet of flowers he bought at the corner grocery store is the purest, most honest way he knows of expressing his undying love for you.