Are nurses in danger of becoming people pleasers? Or are the complacent in danger of becoming nurses? Are some people born this way or is it something we learn? Is this the story of the chicken or the egg? Read on to discover some answers.

According to Dr. Harriet B. Braiker, in his book, The Disease to Please, most pleasers become this way from early childhood. But he doesn’t explain why multiple siblings, growing up in the same household, don’t develop the syndrome. However, it seems to be a condition that persists until it is effectively treated. It has damaged many lives, but the treatment is simple and effective.

This book is deep for laymen. It’s easy to follow and includes some quizzes you can take to see if you’re a victim, and if so, how serious the condition is.

people pleaser it can, according to this book, be found in many walks of life, even in leadership roles. Have you heard of a “yes-man”? We’re not talking about those typically labeled “brown noses.” Those people have an agenda and they can stop. We’re talking about the person who just can’t say “No” to requests to do extra favors or duties for people.

These are people who seem to say “Yes” to too many requests, and then end up so stressed that they seem about to burst. These are probably the people everyone always ask first to fill their turn, because they always agree to do it. And, of course, they also have this same problem saying “No” when they’re not working.

They agree to do much more than is humanly possible, and then get angry and lose their temper in a way that may seem out of proportion to their current situation. Braiker locates many men and women who suffer from this problem and summarizes the case studies of her. He is well written and compassionate.

Many pleasers tend to show love give gifts and perform acts of service, but have trouble receiving. They give and do until they wear out and soften. But those they love and serve never seem to reciprocate. These precious people often hide secret wounds and never feel that they are well loved by those to whom they lavish their affection. They often have trouble showing their true heart to others because of fears they learned early in life. It makes two-way relationships very difficult.

These are some of the things people pleasers often think and feel. “The words ‘I love you’ always bring back memories of associated painful actions.” “Saying ‘No’ is dangerous.” “Love Hurts.” “I have to shut up and stay out of the way to be safe.” “I have to be a ‘nice’ girl/boy and do what I’m told.” “I have to always agree.” “I have to comply.” “I have to always say ‘yes’.”

Obviously, many -perhaps well-intentioned- but even so dysfunctional families breed complacent people. It is a trait that develops as a coping mechanism to help children survive. They are forced to find ways to manage in any way they can. Then they grow up and breed more people pleasers.

So it’s a created syndrome.. They tend to agree to all requests. Some may have been promiscuous as teenagers, having not learned about healthy boundaries. They have trouble understanding where they end and others begin. They don’t believe they have rights to what happens to their bodies. They can easily grow up to be battered spouses.

They are so sweet, so good and so nice.. They dismiss their own needs in favor of the needs of others. These are some of their registered trademarks. This has been programmed into them. Maybe that’s why they are such good nurses. Hospital patients and nursing managers love these docile people. But inside, people pleasers often suffer and are unable to change.

your brothers it may have grown with different looking scars, but they were probably all affected. We see victims of dysfunctional families every day, because almost none of us really understand how to be healthy or raise healthy children.

BUT THERE IS HELP – it’s effective – and it’s easy! Braiker’s book provides a 21-day action plan with easy steps to retrain people-pleasing responses to requests in a friendly manner. From the early days, people in the book who followed the steps saw exciting improvements.

This is easy! The steps are very small and build on each other. Following these simple steps has helped many become people who now live happy and fulfilling lives. The book is full of former victims who have now come to embrace their own personal value, as well as gain fresh new value for those around them.

Of course, one little book cannot be the total cure for a lifetime of behavior. And the situation for some is beyond what this book alone can address. But it certainly gives a people pleaser a place to start. I like how it helps a person develop a feeling that they have a right to be who they are, and that’s priceless.

So are nurses in danger of becoming people pleasers? No. If you weren’t already, the infirmary won’t do it for you (although it will try). Are people pleasers in danger of becoming nurses? Yes, a lot, because they love to do for others. Are people born like this? No. It is a trait that is learned during childhood. But some are more prone to developing that syndrome than others. And unfortunately, many pleasers will raise their children to become pleasers because they don’t know any better.

There are many other books on this subject. But this one is so easy to relate to and so easy to use.

So cheers! To your health!