Breakups … can really hurt. But when they ditch you and you still don’t know why the relationship really ended? Confusion can hurt even more.

Guys will do all kinds of things when they break up with you. Some of them will be cold and clinical. Others will try to be as sweet and understanding as possible. But if all the things your boyfriend can do during this difficult time, not telling you the REAL reasons he let you go is perhaps the biggest disservice.

Understand something: when a guy wants to finish things, he will look for the easier way out. This is because he wants to leave the relationship with the least amount of conflict, and if he worries, he gently tries to disappoint you with the least amount of pain.

However, in doing this, boys often make the mistake of being dishonest about why Really I do not wanna go out with you. They will be much more likely to tell you what you want to hear (or what they think you want to hear) rather than what actually caused them to lose interest in being with you as a boyfriend and girlfriend.

The REAL reasons he broke up with you

First of all, don’t think all guys are cheating on purpose. Most of them don’t even realize that they are giving you false reasons or escape clauses to avoid what they have built together. In an effort to keep things simple and uncomplicated, they will use the most convenient excuse to end things, rather than discuss the complex reasons that have made them bitter in the relationship to begin with.

Also, some guys just don’t want you to argue. If they gave you the true reasons for the breakup, you might actually start to build an argument, or even offer to fix those issues so the two of you can stay together. This could give you another chance at romance, which is not what your boyfriend wants right now. Because right now, he’s determined to get things over with.

Honestly? Your boyfriend thought about breaking up with you long before he sat down with you and actually did. In his head, he mentally prepared himself for all the arguments they might have to stay together. Look, he doesn’t want to have those arguments. Instead of having to defend his decision to break things up, your ex presents false or obscure reasons for getting out of trouble, and substitutes them for the certain problems he has with you.

With that said, see if any of the following real problems does it sound familiar to you:

You were too much control over him

One of the first reasons people leave a relationship is when they feel pressured or controlled by their partner. This happens to both boys and girls, and it is very likely that it has happened to your now ex-boyfriend.

Think about how much you actually supervised your boyfriend’s activities. Did you constantly ask him “where was he” or did you make him account for his time? Did you always make your ex feel guilty about hanging out with friends? These types of behaviors are controlling and may have alienated your boyfriend.

You were always insecure

Understand that guys want an attractive, fun, cool, and happy girl. So when you always ask if you look good, or if he loves you enough, or if you are comparing yourself to his ex-girlfriends? That’s a lot of very unappealing insecurity.

Listen, we are all insecure. And that’s okay. But when you allow your insecurities to run wild, you will always start to doubt whether you are good enough for your boyfriend or not. And when you Do you think you are not good enough? Eventually your boyfriend will too.

You exhibited too much jealousy

Jealousy is the most powerful emotion next to love. But sadly, it can also be the ugliest.

When one partner is jealous of the other, the relationship is ultimately doomed. Anything you do or say soon turns into an argument and instead of working together in a relationship as a team, they become jealous of each other’s successes.

Nobody likes to see themselves as “that” jealous girlfriend (or boyfriend). Jealous behaviors creep up on you over time, until the behaviors that compose them somehow become the norm.

Did you check his phone all the time? Ask him who he was with and if there were girls there. Sometimes jealousy can get so bad that you feel it in the pit of your stomach every time your boyfriend even sight to another girl, much less talk to them. And if you feel that way, imagine how your boyfriend feels, always having to look over your shoulder or worry that you’re angry.

In the end, breakups happen. But if you know exactly why did your ex break up with you? That is the first important step to reverse your decision, fix the problem, and reconcile with him again.